What is sleep?

Sleep and I have been drifting apart ever since August 29, 2012 hit, the day when school resumed and I began my junior year in high school. Yes, I have chosen to challenge myself with my AP classes, which are incredibly amazing and painful at the same time. The subjects are incredible and my mind just bursts from all the information that I soak in but where the topics are so wonderful and mind-blowing, the small homework load that I get from my teachers balances all those happy thoughts with restless evenings and nights spent working and studying. The small homework load, that's what they think they give. Hey, two and a half hours (on the easiest days) per AP class, about an hour to two and a half for my other classes. Let's see what seven classes take away from me each night. 3+3+3+1= 10. Wow, only ten hours? I spend about eight to eight and a half hours in school, and the next nine to ten hours working on homework and studying? Hmm, a day has twenty four hours and I spend  approximately eighteen to nineteen hours for each of the five weekdays just on school.

I'm not complaining about school though. All the work I've put into my studies have gone perfectly well for me so far. There are many things slapped and secured into my brain for the quizzes and tests in the future. It's just that I'm an insomniac, like Adam Young, or the man known as Owl City, very popular a few years back. I finish all my work, and feeling so accomplished, I lay down and close my eyes, happy to deserve the one thing that every person craves, sleep. Sleep, so I can fly away in my dreams and meet different people, travel to different places and roam free in my imagination. Instead of sleep, I find myself staring off into the darkness, sometimes for an hour, sometimes three. It's so frustrating. Counting sheep doesn't seem to help anymore and neither does the music. My body is ready but my brain just isn't.

I lay there wondering when will I get the rest I crave. It cannot be stress that's pulling me away since I don't stress easily. I do stress, I mean my friends have found two white hairs on my head this year, which is so sad, but it surely isn't keeping me from my sleep. What is sleep? When will I get to experience it and take advantage of it? Will I have to wait until another day off of school or do I have to wait until summer? Just another day, and it's going to be another night of being an insomniac.

Winter Retreat 2013

Winter retreats at my church usually take place at a beach-house while our summer retreats are in Big Bear. Our church is so backwards. Anyways, 2013 we decided to change it up a bit so we rented a nice big house up in Riverside where over fifty people got together as a community and family to learn more of the Bible.

I love retreats.

This retreat was relaxing and very organized compared to the other retreats that I have been too. For example, unlike the other retreats where we had "worksheets," this one provided us with booklets and a schedule for the three days. There was a morning devotion, a Bible Study, and an evening session, each page divided into sections where I could answer the questions after reading a certain passage or to take notes during the evening session. I just love it when things are all organized and in one place. The schedule this year was jam packed though, from morning until the next morning. I'd wake up around 6am to help make breakfast and before I knew it, it was 2am in the morning. Oh well, I never have any regrets at retreats.

Breakfast. One of my most memorable memories was making breakfast, the most important meal of the day, with my leader, Lanny, and close friend, Jenny. I took care of toasting the biscuits and putting it together with a delicious serving of freshly made bacon and eggs. Mmm. It was a hectic but fun job, since I had two toasters running at the same time, and I also had to put the biscuits together. Thank God that Linda come over to help me or else I would have slipped or burned myself from rushing so much. This experience also told me one thing about my future, and it was that if I was going to do a part time job after school, it for sure won't be working at a local restaurant because I ain't anybody's waitress. I do what I do from the bottom of my heart. Going completely off topic for the moment, I'm only interested in working or volunteering in a field where I can practice first aid anyways. But culinary arts would be handy at home.

Okay, back to the retreat.

Worship. If there's anything that hits me hard and lifts me up, it's got to be worship. Once I start singing and lifting myself up to God, there is no one around there to judge me, they have all faded away as I placed my heart and lifted up my voice to God and only to him. No one judges the person sitting next to them, behind them, or the person sitting across the room. During the time of worship, we put away our worries and we lift everything up to God, which brings such a wonderful relief and release as we let go of our heavy burdens to praise the almighty and wonderful Father. At retreats, it's usually the worship and the sermon on the last day that gets many eyes filled with tears and hearts that tremble as each and everyone of us encounter the Holy Spirit. It's also what we carry home with us. Although the sermons are electrifying and powerful, they tend to slowly slip away from our minds as we consume ourselves with school and stress. Worship, on the other hand, is an ongoing never ending special something that we carry with us throughout our lives. Music has such an incredible impact in our lives.

The ice breakers, birthday celebration, study & worship, and other various ways we fellow-shipped and bonded really make a difference each and every time. When I head off for a retreat, it's not about me, it's not about my friends, it's all about God. His love has touched me and shaped me into the person I am today. At retreats my church family and I sing, laugh, eat, and cry together; we are all children of God. And the love that he has given to us, we share to the others around. All the retreats are unforgettable, each amazing and unique in its own way. Winter retreat 2013 more than just another retreat; it is a memory buried and sown tightly in my mind and heart.

A Parent's Love, A New Years Touch

I sat around today spending time and laughing around with family. A new year, 2013, with endless opportunities and adventures to experience. Well. I sat down, ready to work on a worksheet. Music is always my motivation.

I'm on YouTube and after a few minutes of browsing around, I decide to listen to Unfailing Love by Chris Tomlin. I go back to my worksheet but the music I'm hearing isn't from Unfailing Love. Curious and slightly annoyed, I open up my page and see this video.

I sat there and as I watched, my eyes slowly welled up with tears, tears that never fell. I was touched. My mind wandered back to Saturday, December 22, 2012 when I was caroling and spending time at a senior home in Westminster and how some of their stories were very like this. All the love they poured out to put their all into little jobs  which in turn gave them the money they spent on their children- for education, shelter, and clothes. Those children grew up, many very successful, and in return of the love they had received from an infant to an adult,  they dropped off their parents in a senior home. 

My mom and dad has done so much for me. All the love they have poured down on me, to help me grow into the person I am today is amazing. A parent's love is unfading, as should the love of the child.